The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons

Aumas on the front lines But as soon as the germ theory was developed a whole new paradigm a better improved way of understanding what was happening made dramatic significant medical improvement possibleThe United States today is the fruit of a paradigm shift The traditional concept of government for centuries had been a monarchy the divine right of kings Then a different paradigm was developed government of the people by the people and for the people And a constitutional democracy was born unleashing tremendous human energy and ingenuity and creating a standard of living of freedom and liberty of influence and hope uneualed in the history of the worldNot all paradigm shifts are in positive directions As we have observed the shift from the Character Ethic to the Personality Ethic has drawn us away from the very roots that nourish true success and happinessBut whether they shift us in positive or negative directions whether they are instantaneous or developmental paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another And those shifts create powerful change Our paradigms correct or incorrect are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors and ultimately our relationships with othersI remember a mini paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York People were sitting uietly some reading newspapers some lost in thought some resting with their eyes closed It was a calm peaceful sceneThen suddenly a man and his children entered the subway car The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changedThe man sat down next to me and closed his eyes apparently oblivious to the situation The children were yelling back and forth throwing things even grabbing people s papers It was very disturbing And yet the man sitting next to me did nothingIt was difficult not to feel irritated I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it taking no responsibility at all It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated too So finally with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint I turned to him and said Sir your children are really disturbing a lot of people I wonder if you couldn t control them a littleThe man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly Oh you re right I guess I should do something about it We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago I don t know what to think and I guess they don t know how to handle it eitherCan you imagine what I felt at that moment My paradigm shifted Suddenly I saw things differently and because I saw differently I thought differently I felt differently I behaved differently My irritation vanished I didn t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior my heart was filled with the man s pain Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely Your wife just died Oh I m so sorry Can you tell me about it What can I do to help Everything changed in an instantMany people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light or when they suddenly step into a new role such as that of husband or wife parent or grandparent manager or leaderWe could spend weeks months even years laboring with the Personality Ethic trying to change our attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs spontaneously when we see things differentlyIt becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors But if we want to make significant uantum change we need to work on our basic paradigmsIn the words of Thoreau For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil there is one striking at the root We can only achieve uantum improvements in our lives as we uit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flowSeeing and BeingOf course not all paradigm shifts are instantaneous Unlike my instant insight on the subway the paradigm shifting experience Sandra and I had with our son was a slow difficult and deliberate process The approach we had first taken with him was the outgrowth of years of conditioning and experience in the Personality Ethic It was the result of deeper paradigms we held about our own success as parents as well as the measure of success of our children And it was not until we changed those basic paradigms until we saw things differently that we were able to create uantum change in ourselves and in the situationIn order to see our son differently Sandra and I had to be differently Our new paradigm was created as we invested in the growth and development of our own characterParadigms are inseparable from character Being is seeing in the human dimension And what we see is highly interrelated to what we are We can t go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being and vice versaEven in my apparently instantaneous paradigm shifting experience that morning on the subway my change of vision was a result of and limited by my basic characterI m sure there are people who even suddenly understanding the true situation would have felt nothan a twinge of regret or vague guilt as they continued to sit in embarrassed silence beside the grieving confused man On the other hand I am eually certain there are people who would have been farsensitive in the first place who may have recognized that a deeper problem existed and reached out to understand and help before I didParadigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world The power of a paradigm shift is the essential power of uantum change whether that shift is an instantaneous or a slow and deliberate processThe Principle Centered ParadigmThe Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real just as unchanging and unarguably there as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimensionAn idea of the reality and the impact of these principles can be captured in another paradigm shifting experience as told by Frank Koch in Proceedings the magazine of the Naval InstituteTwo battleships assigned to the training suadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell The visibility was poor with patchy fog so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activitiesShortly after dark the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported Light bearing on the starboard bowIs it steady or moving astern the captain called outLookout replied Steady captain which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that shipThe captain then called to the signalman Signal that ship We are on a collision course advise you change course degreesBack came a signal Advisable for you to change course degreesThe captain said Send I m a captain change course degreesI m a seaman second class came the reply You had better change course degreesBy that time the captain was furious He spat out Send I m a battleship Change course degreesBack came the flashing light I m a lighthouseWe changed courseThe paradigm shift experienced by the captain and by us as we read this account puts the situation in a totally different light We can see a reality that is superceded by his limited perception a reality that is as critical for us to understand in our daily lives as it was for the captain in the fogPrinciples are like lighthouses They are natural laws that cannot be broken As Cecil B deMille observed of the principles contained in his monumental movie The Ten Commandments It is impossible for us to break the law We can only break ourselves against the lawWhile individuals may look at their own lives and interactions in terms of paradigms or maps emerging out of their experience and conditioning these maps are not the territory They are a subjective reality only an attempt to describe the territoryThe objective reality or the territory itself is composed of lighthouse principles that govern human growth and happiness natural laws that are woven into the fabric of every civilized society throughout history and comprise the roots of every family and institution that has endured and prospered The degree to which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its existenceThe reality of such principles or natural laws becomes obvious to anyone who thinks deeply and examines the cycles of social history These principles surface time and time again and the degree to which people in a society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival and stability or disintegration and destructionThe principles I am referring to are not esoteric mysterious or religious ideas There is not one principle taught in this book that is uniue to any specific faith or religion including my own These principles are a part of most every major enduring religion as well as enduring social philosophies and ethical systems They are self evident and can easily be validated by any individual It s almost as if these principles or natural laws are part of the human condition part of the human consciousness part of the human conscience They seem to exist in all human beings regardless of social conditioning and loyalty to them even though they might be submerged or numbed by such conditions or disloyaltyI am referring for example to the principle of fairness out of which our whole concept of euity and justice is developed Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness even apart from opposite conditioning experiences There are vast differences in how fairness is defined and achieved but there is almost universal awareness of the ideaOther examples would include integrity and honesty They create the foundation of trust which is essential to cooperation and long term personal and interpersonal growthAnother principle is human dignity The basic concept in the United States Declaration of Independence bespeaks this value or principle We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created eual and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights that among these are life liberty and the pursuit of happinessAnother principle is service or the idea of making a contribution Another is uality or excellenceThere is the principle of potential the idea that we are embryonic and can grow and develop and releaseandpotential developandtalents Highly related to potential is the principle of growth the process of releasing potential and developing talents with the accompanying need for principles such as patience nurturance and encouragementPrinciples are not practices A practice is a specific activity or action A practice that works in one circumstance will not necessarily work in another as parents who have tried to raise a second child exactly like they did the first can readily attestWhile practices are situationally specific principles are deep fundamental truths that have universal application They apply to individuals to marriages to families to private and public organizations of every kind When these truths are internalized into habits they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situationsPrinciples are not values A gang of thieves can share values but they are in violation of the fundamental principles we re talking about Principles are the territory Values are maps When we value correct principles we have truth a knowledge of things as they arePrinciples are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring permanent value They re fundamental They re essentially unarguable because they are self evident One way to uickly grasp the self evident nature of principles is to simply consider the absurdity of attempting to live an effective life based on their opposites I doubt that anyone would seriously consider unfairness deceit baseness uselessness mediocrity or degeneration to be a solid foundation for lasting happiness and success Although people may argue about how these principles are defined or manifested or achieved there seems to be an innate consciousness and awareness that they existTheclosely our maps or paradigms are aligned with these principles or natural laws theaccurate and functional they will be Correct maps will infinitely impact our personal and interpersonal effectiveness farthan any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and behaviorsPrinciples of Growth And ChangeThe glitter of the Personality Ethic the massive appeal is that there is some uick and easy way to achieve uality of life personal effectiveness and rich deep relationships with other people without going through the natural process of work and growth that makes it possibleIt s symbol without substance It s the get rich uick scheme promising wealth without work And it might even appear to succeed but the schemer remainsThe Personality Ethic is illusory and deceptive And trying to get high uality results with its techniues and uick fixes is just about as effective as trying to get to some place in Chicago using a map of DetroitIn the words of Erich Fromm an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the Personality Ethic Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton who does not know or understand himself and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain Two statements may be said concerning this individual One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earthIn all of life there are seuential stages of growth and development A child learns to turn over to sit up to crawl and then to walk and run Each step is important and each one takes time No step can be skippedThis is true in all phases of life in all areas of development whether it be learning to play the piano or communicate effectively with a working associate It is true with individuals with marriages with families and with organizationsWe know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things but to understand it in emotional areas in human relations and even in the area of personal character is less common anddifficult And even if we understand it to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less common anddifficult Conseuently we sometimes look for a shortcut expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired resultBut what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better impression what will result Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at concert hall level while your actual present skill was that of a beginner The answers are obvious It is simply impossible to violate ignore or shortcut this development process It is contrary to nature and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment and frustrationOn a ten point scale if I am at level two in any field and desire to move to level five I must first take the step toward level three A thousand mile journey begins with the first step and can only be taken one step at a timeIf you don t let a teacher know at what level you are by asking a uestion or revealing your ignorance you will not learn or grow You cannot pretend for long for you will eventually be found out Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education Thoreau taught How can we remember our ignorance which our growth reuires when we are using our knowledge all the time I recall one occasion when two young women daughters of a friend of mine came to me tearfully complaining about their father s harshness and lack of understanding They were afraid to open up with their parents for fear of the conseuences And yet they desperately needed their parents love understanding and guidanceI talked with the father and found that he was intellectually aware of what was happening But while he admitted he had a temper problem he refused to take responsibility for it and to honestly accept the fact that his emotional development level was low It wasthan his pride could swallow to take the first step toward changeTo relate effectively with a wife a husband children friends or working associates we must learn to listen And this reuires emotional strength Listening involves patience openness and the desire to understand highly developed ualities of character It s so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high level adviceOur level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing where it is impossible to pretend But it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development We can pose and put on for a stranger or an associate We can pretend And for a while we can get by with it at least in public We might even deceive ourselves Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside and I think many of those we live with and work with do as wellI have seen the conseuences of attempting to shortcut this natural process of growth often in the business world where executives attempt to buy a new culture of improved productivity uality morale and customer service with strong speeches smile training and external interventions or through mergers acuisitions and friendly or unfriendly takeovers But they ignore the low trust climate produced by such manipulations When these methods don t work they look for other Personality Ethic techniues that will all the time ignoring and violating the natural principles and processes on which a high trust culture is basedI remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago One day I returned home to my little girl s third year birthday party to find her in the corner of the front room defiantly clutching all of her presents unwilling to let the other children play with them The first thing I noticed was several parents in the room witnessing this selfish display I was embarrassed and doubly so because at the time I was teaching university classes in human relations And I knew or at least felt the expectation of these parentsThe atmosphere in the room was really charged the children were crowding around my little daughter with their hands out asking to play with the presents they had just given and my daughter was adamantly refusing I said to myself Certainly I should teach my daughter to share The value of sharing is one of the most basic things we believe inSo I first tried a simple reuest Honey would you please share with your friends the toys they ve given you No she replied flatlyMy second method was to use a little reasoning Honey if you learn to share your toys with them when they are at your home then when you go to their homes they will share their toys with youAgain the immediate reply was No I was becoming a littleembarrassed for it was evident I was having no influence The third method was bribery Very softly I said Honey if you share I ve got a special surprise for you I ll give you a piece of gumI don t want gum she explodedNow I was becoming exasperated For my fourth attempt I resorted to fear and threat Unless you share you will be in real trouble I don t care she cried These are my things I don t have to share Finally I resorted to force I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other kids Here kids play with thesePerhaps my daughter needed the experience of possessing the things before she could give them In fact unless I possess something can I ever really give it She needed me as her father to have a higher level of emotional maturity to give her that experienceBut at that moment I valued the opinion those parents had of methan the growth and development of my child and our relationship together I simply made an initial judgment that I was right she should share and she was wrong in not doing soPerhaps I superimposed a higher level expectation on her simply because on my own scale I was at a lower level I was unable or unwilling to give patience or understanding so I expected her to give things In an attempt to compensate for my deficiency I borrowed strength from my position and authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to doBut borrowing strength builds weakness It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces dependence on external factors to get things done It builds weakness in the person forced to acuiesce stunting the development of independent reasoning growth and internal discipline And finally it builds weakness in the relationship Fear replaces cooperation and both people involved becomearbitrary and defensiveAnd what happens when the source of borrowed strength be it superior size or physical strength position authority credentials status symbols appearance or past achievements changes or is no longer there Had I beenmature I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength my understanding of sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and nurture and allowed my daughter to make a free choice as to whether she wanted to share or not to share Perhaps after attempting to reason with her I could have turned the attention of the children to an interesting game taking all that emotional pressure off my child I ve learned that once children gain a sense of real possession they share very naturally freely and spontaneouslyMy experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection But to take the child alone uietly when the relationship is good and to discuss the teaching or the value seems to have much greater impact It may have been that the emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internal control at the timePerhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing Many people who give mechanically or refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have experienced what it means to possess themselves their own sense of identity and self worth Really helping our children grow may involve being patient enough to allow them the sense of possession as well as being wise enough to teach them the value of giving and providing the example ourselvesThe Way We See the Problem Is the ProblemPeople are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of individuals families and organizations that are based on solid principles They admire such personal strength and maturity such family unity and teamwork such adaptive synergistic organizational cultureAnd their immediate reuest is very revealing of their basic paradigm How do you do it Teach me the techniues What they re really saying is Give me some uick fix advice or solution that will relieve the pain in my own situationThey will find people who will meet their wants and teach these things and for a short time skills and techniues may appear to work They may eliminate some of the cosmetic or acute problems through social aspirin and band aidsBut the underlying chronic condition remains and eventually new acute symptoms will appear Thepeople are into uick fix and focus on the acute problems and pain thethat very approach contributes to the underlying chronic conditionThe way we see the problem is the problemLook again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter and at the impact of Personality Ethic thinkingI ve taken course after course on effective management training I expect a lot out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right But I don t feel any loyalty from them I think if I were home sick for a day they d spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain Why can t I train them to be independent and responsible or find employees who can be The Personality Ethic tells me I could take some kind of dramatic action shake things up make heads roll that would make my employees shape up and appreciate what they have Or that I could find some motivational training program that would get them committed Or even that I could hire new people that would do a better jobBut is it possible that under that apparently disloyal behavior these employees uestion whether I really act in their best interest Do they feel like I m treating them as mechanical objects Is there some truth to that Deep inside is that really the way I see them Is there a chance the way I look at the people who work for me is part of the problem There s so much to do And there s never enough time I feel pressured and hassled all day every day seven days a week I ve attended time management seminars and I ve tried half a dozen different planning systems They ve helped some but I still don t feel I m living the happy productive peaceful life I want to liveThe Personality Ethic tells me there must be something out there some new planner or seminar that will help me handle all these pressures in aefficient wayBut is there a chance that efficiency is not the answer Is gettingthings done in less time going to make a difference or will it just increase the pace at which I react to the people and circumstances that seem to control my life Could there be something I need to see in a deeperfundamental way some paradigm within myself that affects the way I see my time my life and my own nature My marriage has gone fiat We don t fight or anything we just don t love each other any We ve gone to counseling we ve tried a number of things but we just can t seem to rekindle the feeling we used to haveThe Personality Ethic tells me there must be some new book or some seminar where people get all their feelings out that would help my wife understand me better Or maybe that it s useless and only a new relationship will provide the love I needBut is it possible that my spouse isn t the real problem Could I be empowering my spouse s weaknesses and making my life a function of the way I m treated Do I have some basic paradigm about my spouse about marriage about what love really is that is feeding the problem Can you see how fundamentally the paradigms of the Personality Ethic affect the very way we see our problems as well as the way we attempt to solve them Whether people see it or not many are becoming disillusioned with the empty promises of the Personality Ethic As I travel around the country and work with organizations I find that long term thinking executives are simply turned off by psych up psychology and motivational speakers who have nothingto share than entertaining stories mingled with platitudesThey want substance they want process They wantthan aspirin and band aids They want to solve the chronic underlying problems and focus on the principles that bring long term resultsA New Level of ThinkingAlbert Einstein observed The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created themAs we look around us and within us and recognize the problems created as we live and interact within the Personality Ethic we begin to realize that these are deep fundamental problems that cannot be solved on the superficial level on which they were createdWe need a new level a deeper level of thinking a paradigm based on the principles that accurately describe the territory of effective human being and interacting to solve these deep concernsThis new level of thinking is what Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is about It s a principle centered character based inside out approach to personal and interpersonal effectivenessInside out means to start first with self evenfundamentally to start with the most inside part of self with your paradigms your character and your motivesIt says if you want to have a happy marriage be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it If you want to have apleasant cooperative teenager be aunderstanding empathic consistent loving parent If you want to havefreedomlatitude in your job be aresponsible ahelpful acontributing employee If you want to be trusted be trustworthy If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent focus first on primary greatness of characterThe inside out approach says that private victories precede public victories that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others It says it is futile to put personality ahead of character to try to improve relationships with others before improving ourselvesInside out is a process a continuing process of renewal based on the natural laws that govern human growth and progress It s an upward spiral of growth that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible independence and effective interdependenceI have had the opportunity to work with many people wonderful people talented people people who deeply want to achieve happiness and success people who are searching people who are hurting I ve worked with business executives college students church and civic groups families and marriage partners And in all of my experience I have never seen lasting solutions to problems lasting happiness and success that came from the outside inWhat I have seen result from the outside in paradigm is unhappy people who feel victimized and immobilized who focus on the weaknesses of other people and the circumstances they feel are responsible for their own stagnant situation I ve seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to change where each is confessing the other s sins where each is trying to shape up the other I ve seen labor management disputes where people spend tremendous amounts of time and energy trying to create legislation that would force people to act as though the foundation of trust were really thereMembers of our family have lived in three of the hottest spots on earth South Africa Israel and Ireland and I believe the source of the continuing problems in each of these places has been the dominant social paradigm of outside in Each involved group is convinced the problem is out there and if they meaning others would shape up or suddenly ship out of existence the problem would be solvedInside out is a dramatic paradigm shift for most people largely because of the powerful impa.

habits free highly mobile effective pdf people kindle powerful mobile lessons mobile personal book change pdf The 7 free Habits of book Habits of Highly Effective pdf 7 Habits of pdf 7 Habits of Highly Effective mobile The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Powerful Lessons in Personal Change PDFEPUBAumas on the front lines But as soon as the germ theory was developed a whole new paradigm a better improved way of understanding what was happening made dramatic significant medical improvement possibleThe United States today is the fruit of a paradigm shift The traditional concept of government for centuries had been a monarchy the divine right of kings Then a different paradigm was developed government of the people by the people and for the people And a constitutional democracy was born unleashing tremendous human energy and ingenuity and creating a standard of living of freedom and liberty of influence and hope uneualed in the history of the worldNot all paradigm shifts are in positive directions As we have observed the shift from the Character Ethic to the Personality Ethic has drawn us away from the very roots that nourish true success and happinessBut whether they shift us in positive or negative directions whether they are instantaneous or developmental paradigm shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another And those shifts create powerful change Our paradigms correct or incorrect are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors and ultimately our relationships with othersI remember a mini paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York People were sitting uietly some reading newspapers some lost in thought some resting with their eyes closed It was a calm peaceful sceneThen suddenly a man and his children entered the subway car The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changedThe man sat down next to me and closed his eyes apparently oblivious to the situation The children were yelling back and forth throwing things even grabbing people s papers It was very disturbing And yet the man sitting next to me did nothingIt was difficult not to feel irritated I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it taking no responsibility at all It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated too So finally with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint I turned to him and said Sir your children are really disturbing a lot of people I wonder if you couldn t control them a littleThe man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly Oh you re right I guess I should do something about it We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago I don t know what to think and I guess they don t know how to handle it eitherCan you imagine what I felt at that moment My paradigm shifted Suddenly I saw things differently and because I saw differently I thought differently I felt differently I behaved differently My irritation vanished I didn t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior my heart was filled with the man s pain Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely Your wife just died Oh I m so sorry Can you tell me about it What can I do to help Everything changed in an instantMany people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light or when they suddenly step into a new role such as that of husband or wife parent or grandparent manager or leaderWe could spend weeks months even years laboring with the Personality Ethic trying to change our attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs spontaneously when we see things differentlyIt becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors But if we want to make significant uantum change we need to work on our basic paradigmsIn the words of Thoreau For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil there is one striking at the root We can only achieve uantum improvements in our lives as we uit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flowSeeing and BeingOf course not all paradigm shifts are instantaneous Unlike my instant insight on the subway the paradigm shifting experience Sandra and I had with our son was a slow difficult and deliberate process The approach we had first taken with him was the outgrowth of years of conditioning and experience in the Personality Ethic It was the result of deeper paradigms we held about our own success as parents as well as the measure of success of our children And it was not until we changed those basic paradigms until we saw things differently that we were able to create uantum change in ourselves and in the situationIn order to see our son differently Sandra and I had to be differently Our new paradigm was created as we invested in the growth and development of our own characterParadigms are inseparable from character Being is seeing in the human dimension And what we see is highly interrelated to what we are We can t go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being and vice versaEven in my apparently instantaneous paradigm shifting experience that morning on the subway my change of vision was a result of and limited by my basic characterI m sure there are people who even suddenly understanding the true situation would have felt nothan a twinge of regret or vague guilt as they continued to sit in embarrassed silence beside the grieving confused man On the other hand I am eually certain there are people who would have been farsensitive in the first place who may have recognized that a deeper problem existed and reached out to understand and help before I didParadigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world The power of a paradigm shift is the essential power of uantum change whether that shift is an instantaneous or a slow and deliberate processThe Principle Centered ParadigmThe Character Ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human effectiveness natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real just as unchanging and unarguably there as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimensionAn idea of the reality and the impact of these principles can be captured in another paradigm shifting experience as told by Frank Koch in Proceedings the magazine of the Naval InstituteTwo battleships assigned to the training suadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell The visibility was poor with patchy fog so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activitiesShortly after dark the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported Light bearing on the starboard bowIs it steady or moving astern the captain called outLookout replied Steady captain which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that shipThe captain then called to the signalman Signal that ship We are on a collision course advise you change course degreesBack came a signal Advisable for you to change course degreesThe captain said Send I m a captain change course degreesI m a seaman second class came the reply You had better change course degreesBy that time the captain was furious He spat out Send I m a battleship Change course degreesBack came the flashing light I m a lighthouseWe changed courseThe paradigm shift experienced by the captain and by us as we read this account puts the situation in a totally different light We can see a reality that is superceded by his limited perception a reality that is as critical for us to understand in our daily lives as it was for the captain in the fogPrinciples are like lighthouses They are natural laws that cannot be broken As Cecil B deMille observed of the principles contained in his monumental movie The Ten Commandments It is impossible for us to break the law We can only break ourselves against the lawWhile individuals may look at their own lives and interactions in terms of paradigms or maps emerging out of their experience and conditioning these maps are not the territory They are a subjective reality only an attempt to describe the territoryThe objective reality or the territory itself is composed of lighthouse principles that govern human growth and happiness natural laws that are woven into the fabric of every civilized society throughout history and comprise the roots of every family and institution that has endured and prospered The degree to which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its existenceThe reality of such principles or natural laws becomes obvious to anyone who thinks deeply and examines the cycles of social history These principles surface time and time again and the degree to which people in a society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival and stability or disintegration and destructionThe principles I am referring to are not esoteric mysterious or religious ideas There is not one principle taught in this book that is uniue to any specific faith or religion including my own These principles are a part of most every major enduring religion as well as enduring social philosophies and ethical systems They are self evident and can easily be validated by any individual It s almost as if these principles or natural laws are part of the human condition part of the human consciousness part of the human conscience They seem to exist in all human beings regardless of social conditioning and loyalty to them even though they might be submerged or numbed by such conditions or disloyaltyI am referring for example to the principle of fairness out of which our whole concept of euity and justice is developed Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness even apart from opposite conditioning experiences There are vast differences in how fairness is defined and achieved but there is almost universal awareness of the ideaOther examples would include integrity and honesty They create the foundation of trust which is essential to cooperation and long term personal and interpersonal growthAnother principle is human dignity The basic concept in the United States Declaration of Independence bespeaks this value or principle We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created eual and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights that among these are life liberty and the pursuit of happinessAnother principle is service or the idea of making a contribution Another is uality or excellenceThere is the principle of potential the idea that we are embryonic and can grow and develop and releaseandpotential developandtalents Highly related to potential is the principle of growth the process of releasing potential and developing talents with the accompanying need for principles such as patience nurturance and encouragementPrinciples are not practices A practice is a specific activity or action A practice that works in one circumstance will not necessarily work in another as parents who have tried to raise a second child exactly like they did the first can readily attestWhile practices are situationally specific principles are deep fundamental truths that have universal application They apply to individuals to marriages to families to private and public organizations of every kind When these truths are internalized into habits they empower people to create a wide variety of practices to deal with different situationsPrinciples are not values A gang of thieves can share values but they are in violation of the fundamental principles we re talking about Principles are the territory Values are maps When we value correct principles we have truth a knowledge of things as they arePrinciples are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring permanent value They re fundamental They re essentially unarguable because they are self evident One way to uickly grasp the self evident nature of principles is to simply consider the absurdity of attempting to live an effective life based on their opposites I doubt that anyone would seriously consider unfairness deceit baseness uselessness mediocrity or degeneration to be a solid foundation for lasting happiness and success Although people may argue about how these principles are defined or manifested or achieved there seems to be an innate consciousness and awareness that they existTheclosely our maps or paradigms are aligned with these principles or natural laws theaccurate and functional they will be Correct maps will infinitely impact our personal and interpersonal effectiveness farthan any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and behaviorsPrinciples of Growth And ChangeThe glitter of the Personality Ethic the massive appeal is that there is some uick and easy way to achieve uality of life personal effectiveness and rich deep relationships with other people without going through the natural process of work and growth that makes it possibleIt s symbol without substance It s the get rich uick scheme promising wealth without work And it might even appear to succeed but the schemer remainsThe Personality Ethic is illusory and deceptive And trying to get high uality results with its techniues and uick fixes is just about as effective as trying to get to some place in Chicago using a map of DetroitIn the words of Erich Fromm an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the Personality Ethic Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton who does not know or understand himself and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain Two statements may be said concerning this individual One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earthIn all of life there are seuential stages of growth and development A child learns to turn over to sit up to crawl and then to walk and run Each step is important and each one takes time No step can be skippedThis is true in all phases of life in all areas of development whether it be learning to play the piano or communicate effectively with a working associate It is true with individuals with marriages with families and with organizationsWe know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things but to understand it in emotional areas in human relations and even in the area of personal character is less common anddifficult And even if we understand it to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less common anddifficult Conseuently we sometimes look for a shortcut expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired resultBut what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better impression what will result Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at concert hall level while your actual present skill was that of a beginner The answers are obvious It is simply impossible to violate ignore or shortcut this development process It is contrary to nature and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment and frustrationOn a ten point scale if I am at level two in any field and desire to move to level five I must first take the step toward level three A thousand mile journey begins with the first step and can only be taken one step at a timeIf you don t let a teacher know at what level you are by asking a uestion or revealing your ignorance you will not learn or grow You cannot pretend for long for you will eventually be found out Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education Thoreau taught How can we remember our ignorance which our growth reuires when we are using our knowledge all the time I recall one occasion when two young women daughters of a friend of mine came to me tearfully complaining about their father s harshness and lack of understanding They were afraid to open up with their parents for fear of the conseuences And yet they desperately needed their parents love understanding and guidanceI talked with the father and found that he was intellectually aware of what was happening But while he admitted he had a temper problem he refused to take responsibility for it and to honestly accept the fact that his emotional development level was low It wasthan his pride could swallow to take the first step toward changeTo relate effectively with a wife a husband children friends or working associates we must learn to listen And this reuires emotional strength Listening involves patience openness and the desire to understand highly developed ualities of character It s so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high level adviceOur level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing where it is impossible to pretend But it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development We can pose and put on for a stranger or an associate We can pretend And for a while we can get by with it at least in public We might even deceive ourselves Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside and I think many of those we live with and work with do as wellI have seen the conseuences of attempting to shortcut this natural process of growth often in the business world where executives attempt to buy a new culture of improved productivity uality morale and customer service with strong speeches smile training and external interventions or through mergers acuisitions and friendly or unfriendly takeovers But they ignore the low trust climate produced by such manipulations When these methods don t work they look for other Personality Ethic techniues that will all the time ignoring and violating the natural principles and processes on which a high trust culture is basedI remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago One day I returned home to my little girl s third year birthday party to find her in the corner of the front room defiantly clutching all of her presents unwilling to let the other children play with them The first thing I noticed was several parents in the room witnessing this selfish display I was embarrassed and doubly so because at the time I was teaching university classes in human relations And I knew or at least felt the expectation of these parentsThe atmosphere in the room was really charged the children were crowding around my little daughter with their hands out asking to play with the presents they had just given and my daughter was adamantly refusing I said to myself Certainly I should teach my daughter to share The value of sharing is one of the most basic things we believe inSo I first tried a simple reuest Honey would you please share with your friends the toys they ve given you No she replied flatlyMy second method was to use a little reasoning Honey if you learn to share your toys with them when they are at your home then when you go to their homes they will share their toys with youAgain the immediate reply was No I was becoming a littleembarrassed for it was evident I was having no influence The third method was bribery Very softly I said Honey if you share I ve got a special surprise for you I ll give you a piece of gumI don t want gum she explodedNow I was becoming exasperated For my fourth attempt I resorted to fear and threat Unless you share you will be in real trouble I don t care she cried These are my things I don t have to share Finally I resorted to force I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other kids Here kids play with thesePerhaps my daughter needed the experience of possessing the things before she could give them In fact unless I possess something can I ever really give it She needed me as her father to have a higher level of emotional maturity to give her that experienceBut at that moment I valued the opinion those parents had of methan the growth and development of my child and our relationship together I simply made an initial judgment that I was right she should share and she was wrong in not doing soPerhaps I superimposed a higher level expectation on her simply because on my own scale I was at a lower level I was unable or unwilling to give patience or understanding so I expected her to give things In an attempt to compensate for my deficiency I borrowed strength from my position and authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to doBut borrowing strength builds weakness It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces dependence on external factors to get things done It builds weakness in the person forced to acuiesce stunting the development of independent reasoning growth and internal discipline And finally it builds weakness in the relationship Fear replaces cooperation and both people involved becomearbitrary and defensiveAnd what happens when the source of borrowed strength be it superior size or physical strength position authority credentials status symbols appearance or past achievements changes or is no longer there Had I beenmature I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength my understanding of sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and nurture and allowed my daughter to make a free choice as to whether she wanted to share or not to share Perhaps after attempting to reason with her I could have turned the attention of the children to an interesting game taking all that emotional pressure off my child I ve learned that once children gain a sense of real possession they share very naturally freely and spontaneouslyMy experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection But to take the child alone uietly when the relationship is good and to discuss the teaching or the value seems to have much greater impact It may have been that the emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internal control at the timePerhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing Many people who give mechanically or refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have experienced what it means to possess themselves their own sense of identity and self worth Really helping our children grow may involve being patient enough to allow them the sense of possession as well as being wise enough to teach them the value of giving and providing the example ourselvesThe Way We See the Problem Is the ProblemPeople are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of individuals families and organizations that are based on solid principles They admire such personal strength and maturity such family unity and teamwork such adaptive synergistic organizational cultureAnd their immediate reuest is very revealing of their basic paradigm How do you do it Teach me the techniues What they re really saying is Give me some uick fix advice or solution that will relieve the pain in my own situationThey will find people who will meet their wants and teach these things and for a short time skills and techniues may appear to work They may eliminate some of the cosmetic or acute problems through social aspirin and band aidsBut the underlying chronic condition remains and eventually new acute symptoms will appear Thepeople are into uick fix and focus on the acute problems and pain thethat very approach contributes to the underlying chronic conditionThe way we see the problem is the problemLook again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter and at the impact of Personality Ethic thinkingI ve taken course after course on effective management training I expect a lot out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right But I don t feel any loyalty from them I think if I were home sick for a day they d spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain Why can t I train them to be independent and responsible or find employees who can be The Personality Ethic tells me I could take some kind of dramatic action shake things up make heads roll that would make my employees shape up and appreciate what they have Or that I could find some motivational training program that would get them committed Or even that I could hire new people that would do a better jobBut is it possible that under that apparently disloyal behavior these employees uestion whether I really act in their best interest Do they feel like I m treating them as mechanical objects Is there some truth to that Deep inside is that really the way I see them Is there a chance the way I look at the people who work for me is part of the problem There s so much to do And there s never enough time I feel pressured and hassled all day every day seven days a week I ve attended time management seminars and I ve tried half a dozen different planning systems They ve helped some but I still don t feel I m living the happy productive peaceful life I want to liveThe Personality Ethic tells me there must be something out there some new planner or seminar that will help me handle all these pressures in aefficient wayBut is there a chance that efficiency is not the answer Is gettingthings done in less time going to make a difference or will it just increase the pace at which I react to the people and circumstances that seem to control my life Could there be something I need to see in a deeperfundamental way some paradigm within myself that affects the way I see my time my life and my own nature My marriage has gone fiat We don t fight or anything we just don t love each other any We ve gone to counseling we ve tried a number of things but we just can t seem to rekindle the feeling we used to haveThe Personality Ethic tells me there must be some new book or some seminar where people get all their feelings out that would help my wife understand me better Or maybe that it s useless and only a new relationship will provide the love I needBut is it possible that my spouse isn t the real problem Could I be empowering my spouse s weaknesses and making my life a function of the way I m treated Do I have some basic paradigm about my spouse about marriage about what love really is that is feeding the problem Can you see how fundamentally the paradigms of the Personality Ethic affect the very way we see our problems as well as the way we attempt to solve them Whether people see it or not many are becoming disillusioned with the empty promises of the Personality Ethic As I travel around the country and work with organizations I find that long term thinking executives are simply turned off by psych up psychology and motivational speakers who have nothingto share than entertaining stories mingled with platitudesThey want substance they want process They wantthan aspirin and band aids They want to solve the chronic underlying problems and focus on the principles that bring long term resultsA New Level of ThinkingAlbert Einstein observed The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created themAs we look around us and within us and recognize the problems created as we live and interact within the Personality Ethic we begin to realize that these are deep fundamental problems that cannot be solved on the superficial level on which they were createdWe need a new level a deeper level of thinking a paradigm based on the principles that accurately describe the territory of effective human being and interacting to solve these deep concernsThis new level of thinking is what Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is about It s a principle centered character based inside out approach to personal and interpersonal effectivenessInside out means to start first with self evenfundamentally to start with the most inside part of self with your paradigms your character and your motivesIt says if you want to have a happy marriage be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it If you want to have apleasant cooperative teenager be aunderstanding empathic consistent loving parent If you want to havefreedomlatitude in your job be aresponsible ahelpful acontributing employee If you want to be trusted be trustworthy If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent focus first on primary greatness of characterThe inside out approach says that private victories precede public victories that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others It says it is futile to put personality ahead of character to try to improve relationships with others before improving ourselvesInside out is a process a continuing process of renewal based on the natural laws that govern human growth and progress It s an upward spiral of growth that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible independence and effective interdependenceI have had the opportunity to work with many people wonderful people talented people people who deeply want to achieve happiness and success people who are searching people who are hurting I ve worked with business executives college students church and civic groups families and marriage partners And in all of my experience I have never seen lasting solutions to problems lasting happiness and success that came from the outside inWhat I have seen result from the outside in paradigm is unhappy people who feel victimized and immobilized who focus on the weaknesses of other people and the circumstances they feel are responsible for their own stagnant situation I ve seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to change where each is confessing the other s sins where each is trying to shape up the other I ve seen labor management disputes where people spend tremendous amounts of time and energy trying to create legislation that would force people to act as though the foundation of trust were really thereMembers of our family have lived in three of the hottest spots on earth South Africa Israel and Ireland and I believe the source of the continuing problems in each of these places has been the dominant social paradigm of outside in Each involved group is convinced the problem is out there and if they meaning others would shape up or suddenly ship out of existence the problem would be solvedInside out is a dramatic paradigm shift for most people largely because of the powerful impa.

❮Read❯ ➲ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Author Stephen R Covey – Ecamvirtual.co Review According to Steven R Covey to live with security and wisdom and to have the power to take advantages of the opportunities that change creates we need fairness integrity honesty and human digni❮Read❯ ➲ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change Author Stephen R Covey – Ecamvirtual.co Review According to Steven R Covey to live with security and wisdom and to have the power to take advantages of the opportunities that change creates we need fairness integrity honesty and human digni Review According to Steven Habits of Epub Ú R Covey to live with security and wisdom and to have the power The 7 PDF/EPUB ² to take advantages of the opportunities that change creates we need fairness integrity honesty and human dignity uite 7 Habits of PDF/EPUB ¾ a tall order when you consider that most of us live our lives in a permanent state of 7 Habits of Highly Effective eBook í flux uestioning our ideals and values and fighting a daily battle with the lack of self confidence that stops us from taking risks of any kind But in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Covey manages to make it sound as if changing the way we look at ourselves and the world around us so that we can becomesuccessful both personally and professionally an absolute doddle He defines the habits as the intersection of knowledge skill and desire and states that the Seven Habits of the title are not mutually exclusive but rather when developed together help to form a well rounded sensitive confident and effective human being As with many self help books much of 7 Habits of Highly Effective eBook í what you read here is based on basic common sense and can at times be irritatingly obvious However what Covey manages to do so successfully is to break down the barriers which prevent all of us from taking a long hard look at ourselves and then gradually introduces new rules which allow us to move first from dependence to independence and then towards the ultimate goal of interdependence But of course the only real way to test the value of The Habits be proactive begin with the end in mind put first things first think win win seek first to understand and then to be understood synergise sharpen the saw is to work on them This book is as good as any place to start on the road to self awareness and self improvement in the workplace and in the home without becoming too irritatingly smug and self satisfied Susan HarrisonChapter Inside OutThere is no real excellence in all this worldwhich can be separated from right livingDavid Starr JordanInthan years of working with people in business university and marriage and family settings I have come in contact with many individuals who have achieved an incredible degree of outward success but have found themselves struggling with an inner hunger a deep need for personal congruency and effectiveness and for healthy growing relationships with other peopleI suspect some of the problems they have shared with me may be familiar to youI ve set and met my career goals and I m having tremendous professional success But it s cost me my personal and family life I don t know my wife and children anyI m not even sure I know myself and what s really important to me I ve had to ask myself is it worth it I ve started a new diet for the fifth time this year I know I m overweight and I really want to change I read all the new information I set goals I get myself all psyched up with a positive mental attitude and tell myself I can do it But I don t After a few weeks I fizzle I just can t seem to keep a promise I make to myselfI ve taken course after course on effective management training I expect a lot out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right But I don t feel any loyalty from them I think if I were home sick for a day they d spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain Why can t I train them to be independent and responsible or find employees who can be My teenage son is rebellious and on drugs No matter what I try he won t listen to me What can I do There s so much to do And there s never enough time I feel pressured and hassled all day every day seven days a week I ve attended time management seminars and I ve tried half a dozen different planning systems They ve helped some but I still don t feel I m living the happy productive peaceful life I want to liveI want to teach my children the value of work But to get them to do anything I have to supervise every moveand put up with complaining every step of the way It s so much easier to do it myself Why can t children do their work cheerfully and without being reminded I m busy really busy But sometimes I wonder if what I m doing will make any difference in the long run I d really like to think there was meaning in my life that somehow things were different because I was hereI see my friends or relatives achieve some degree of success or receive some recognition and I smile and congratulate them enthusiastically But inside I m eating my heart out Why do I feel this way I have a forceful personality I know in almost any interaction I can control the outcome Most of the time I can even do it by influencing others to come up with the solution I want I think through each situation and I really feel the ideas I come up with are usually the best for everyone But I feel uneasy I always wonder what other people really think of me and my ideasMy marriage has gone fiat We don t fight or anything we just don t love each other any We ve gone to counseling we ve tried a number of things but we just can t seem to rekindle the feeling we used to haveThese are deep problems painful problems problems that uick fix approaches can t solveA few years ago my wife Sandra and I were struggling with this kind of concern One of our sons was having a very difficult time in school He was doing poorly academically he didn t even know how to follow the instructions on the tests let alone do well on them Socially he was immature often embarrassing those closest to him Athletically he was small skinny and uncoordinated swinging his baseball bat for example almost before the ball was even pitched Others would laugh at himSandra and I were consumed with a desire to help him We felt that if success were important in any area of life it was supremely important in our role as parents So we worked on our attitudes and behavior toward him and we tried to work on his We attempted to psych him up using positive mental attitude techniues Come on son You can do it We know you can Put your hands a little higher on the bat and keep your eye on the ball Don t swing till it gets close to you And if he did a little better we would go to great lengths to reinforce him That s good son keep it upWhen others laughed we reprimanded them Leave him alone Get off his back He s just learning And our son would cry and insist that he d never be any good and that he didn t like baseball anywayNothing we did seemed to help and we were really worried We could see the effect this was having on his self esteem We tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive but after repeated failure we finally drew back and tried to look at the situation on a different levelAt this time in my professional role I was involved in leadership development work with various clients throughout the country In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject of communication and perception for IBM s Executive Development Program participantsAs I researched and prepared these presentations I became particularly interested in how perceptions are formed how they govern the way we see and how the way we see governs how we behave This led me to a study of expectancy theory and self fulfilling prophecies or the Pygmalion effect and to a realization of how deeply imbedded our perceptions are It taught me that we must look at the lens through which we see the world as well as at the world we see and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the worldAs Sandra and I talked about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation we began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony with the way we really saw him When we honestly examined our deepest feelings we realized that our perception was that he was basically inadeuate somehow behind No matter how much we worked on our attitude and behavior our efforts were ineffective because despite our actions and our words what we really communicated to him was You aren t capable You have to be protectedWe began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation we first had to change ourselves And to change ourselves effectively we first had to change our perceptionsThe Personality and Character EthicsAt the same time in addition to my research on perception I was also deeply immersed in an in depth study of the success literature published in the United States since I was reading or scanning literally hundreds of books articles and essays in fields such as self improvement popular psychology and self help At my fingertips was the sum and substance of what a free and democratic people considered to be the keys to successful livingAs my study took me back through years of writing about success I noticed a startling pattern emerging in the content of the literature Because of our own pain and because of similar pain I had seen in the lives and relationships of many people I had worked with through the years I began to feelandthat much of the success literature of the past years was superficial It was filled with social image consciousness techniues and uick fixes with social band aids and aspirin that addressed acute problems and sometimes even appeared to solve them temporarily but left the underlying chronic problems untouched to fester and resurface time and againIn stark contrast almost all the literature in the first years or so focused on what could be called the Character Ethic as the foundation of success things like integrity humility fidelity temperance courage justice patience industry simplicity modesty and the Golden Rule Benjamin Franklin s autobiography is representative of that literature It is basically the story of one man s effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his natureThe Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic characterBut shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic Success becamea function of personality of public image of attitudes and behaviors skills and techniues that lubricate the processes of human interaction This Personality Ethic essentially took two paths one was human and public relations techniues and the other was positive mental attitude PMA Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims such as Your attitude determines your altitude Smiling winsfriends than frowning and Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieveOther parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative even deceptive encouraging people to use techniues to get other people to like them or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted or to use the power look or to intimidate their way through lifeSome of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic Reference to the Character Ethic became mostly lip service the basic thrust was uick fix influence techniues power strategies communication skills and positive attitudesThis Personality Ethic I began to realize was the subconscious source of the solutions Sandra and I were attempting to use with our son As I thoughtdeeply about the difference between the Personality and Character Ethics I realized that Sandra and I had been getting social mileage out of our children s good behavior and in our eyes this son simply didn t measure up Our image of ourselves and our role as good caring parents was even deeper than our image of our son and perhaps influenced it There was a lotwrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our concern for our son s welfareAs Sandra and I talked we became painfully aware of the powerful influence of our own character and motives and of our perception of him We knew that social comparison motives were out of harmony with our deeper values and could lead to conditional love and eventually to our son s lessened sense of self worth So we determined to focus our efforts on us not on our techniues but on our deepest motives and our perception of him Instead of trying to change him we tried to stand apart to separate us from him and to sense his identity individuality separateness and worthThrough deep thought and the exercise of faith and prayer we began to see our son in terms of his own uniueness We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own pace and speed We decided to relax and get out of his way and let his own personality emerge We saw our natural role as being to affirm enjoy and value him We also conscientiously worked on our motives and cultivated internal sources of security so that our own feelings of worth were not dependent on our children s acceptable behaviorAs we loosened up our old perception of our son and developed value based motives new feelings began to emerge We found ourselves enjoying him instead of comparing or judging him We stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations We stopped trying to kindly positively manipulate him into an acceptable social mold Because we saw him as fundamentally adeuate and able to cope with life we stopped protecting him against the ridicule of othersHe had been nurtured on this protection so he went through some withdrawal pains which he expressed and which we accepted but did not necessarily respond to We don t need to protect you was the unspoken message You re fundamentally okayAs the weeks and months passed he began to feel a uiet confidence and affirmed himself He began to blossom at his own pace and speed He became outstanding as measured by standard social criteria academically socially and athletically at a rapid clip far beyond the so called natural developmental process As the years passed he was elected to several student body leadership positions developed into an all state athlete and started bringing home straight A report cards He developed an engaging and guileless personality that has enabled him to relate in nonthreatening ways to all kinds of peopleSandra and I believe that our son s socially impressive accomplishments werea serendipitous expression of the feelings he had about himself than merely a response to social reward This was an amazing experience for Sandra and me and a very instructional one in dealing with our other children and in other roles as well It brought to our awareness on a very personal level the vital difference between the Personality Ethic and the Character Ethic of success The Psalmist expressed our conviction well Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of lifePrimary and Secondary GreatnessMy experience with my son my study of perception and my reading of the success literature coalesced to create one of those Aha experiences in life when suddenly things click into place I was suddenly able to see the powerful impact of the Personality Ethic and to clearly understand those subtle often consciously unidentified discrepancies between what I knew to be true some things I had been taught many years ago as a child and things that were deep in my own inner sense of value and the uick fix philosophies that surrounded me every day I understood at a deeper level why as I had worked through the years with people from all walks of life I had found that the things I was teaching and knew to be effective were often at variance with these popular voicesI am not suggesting that elements of the Personality Ethic personality growth communication skill training and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking are not beneficial in fact sometimes essential for success I believe they are But these are secondary not primary traits Perhaps in utilizing our human capacity to build on the foundation of generations before us we have inadvertently become so focused on our own building that we have forgotten the foundation that holds it up or in reaping for so long where we have not sown perhaps we have forgotten the need to sowIf I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want to work better to bemotivated to like me and each other while my character is fundamentally flawed marked by duplicity and insincerity then in the long run I cannot be successful My duplicity will breed distrust and everything I do even using so called good human relations techniues will be perceived as manipulative It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are if there is little or no trust there is no foundation for permanent success Only basic goodness gives life to techniueTo focus on techniue is like cramming your way through school You sometimes get by perhaps even get good grades but if you don t pay the price day in and day out you never achieve true mastery of the subjects you study or develop an educated mindDid you ever consider how ridiculous it would be to try to cram on a farm to forget to plant in the spring play all summer and then cram in the fall to bring in the harvest The farm is a natural system The price must be paid and the process followed You always reap what you sow there is no shortcutThis principle is also true ultimately in human behavior in human relationships They too are natural systems based on the law of the harvest In the short run in an artificial social system such as school you may be able to get by if you learn how to manipulate the man made rules to play the game In most one shot or short lived human interactions you can use the Personality Ethic to get by and to make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other people s hobbies You can pick up uick easy techniues that may work in short term situations But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long term relationships Eventually if there isn t deep integrity and fundamental character strength the challenges of life will cause true motives to surface and human relationship failure will replace short term successMany people with secondary greatness that is social recognition for their talents lack primary greatness or goodness in their character Sooner or later you ll see this in every long term relationship they have whether it is with a business associate a spouse a friend or a teenage child going through an identity crisis It is character that communicates most elouently As Emerson once put it What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you sayThere are of course situations where people have character strength but they lack communication skills and that undoubtedly affects the uality of relationships as well But the effects are still secondaryIn the last analysis what we are communicates farelouently than anything we say or do We all know it There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character Whether they re elouent or not whether they have the human relations techniues or not we trust them and we work successfully with themIn the words of William George Jordan Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil the silent unconscious unseen influence of his life This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is not what he pretends to beThe Power of a ParadigmThe Seven Habits of Highly Effective People embody many of the fundamental principles of human effectiveness These habits are basic they are primary They represent the internalization of correct principles upon which enduring happiness and success are basedBut before we can really understand these Seven Habits we need to understand our own paradigms and how to make a paradigm shiftBoth the Character Ethic and the Personality Ethic are examples of social paradigms The word paradigm comes from the Greek It was originally a scientific term and iscommonly used today to mean a model theory perception assumption or flame of reference In thegeneral sense it s the way we see the world not in terms of our visual sense of sight but in terms of perceiving understanding interpretingFor our purposes a simple way to understand paradigms is to see them as maps We all know that the map is not the territory A map is simply an explanation of certain aspects of the territory That s exactly what a paradigm is It is a theory an explanation or model of something elseSuppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago A street map of the city would be a great help to you in reaching your destination But suppose you were given the wrong map Through a printing error the map labeled Chicago was actually a map of Detroit Can you imagine the frustration the ineffectiveness of trying to reach your destination You might work on your behavior you could try harder bediligent double your speed But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place fasterYou might work on your attitude you could thinkpositively You still wouldn t get to the right place but perhaps you wouldn t care Your attitude would be so positive you d be happy wherever you wereThe point is you d still be lost The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or your attitude It has everything to do with having a wrong mapIf you have the right map of Chicago then diligence becomes important and when you encounter frustrating obstacles along the way then attitude can make a real difference But the first and most important reuirement is the accuracy of the mapEach of us has many many maps in our head which can be divided into two main categories maps of the way things are or realities and maps of the way things should be or values We interpret everything we experience through these mental maps We seldom uestion their accuracy we re usually even unaware that we have them We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should beAnd our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions The way we see things is the source of the way we think and the way we actBefore going any further I invite you to have an intellectual and emotional experience Take a few seconds and just look at the picture on the following pageNow look at the picture on page and carefully describe what you seeDo you see a woman How old would you say she is What does she look like What is she wearing In what kind of roles do you see her You probably would describe the woman in the second picture to be about years old very lovely rather fashionable with a petite nose and a demure presence If you were a single man you might like to take her out If you were in retailing you might hire her as a fashion modelBut what if I were to tell you that you re wrong What if I said this picture is of a woman in her s or s who looks sad has a huge nose and is certainly no model She s someone you probably would help across the streetWho s right Look at the picture again Can you see the old woman If you can t keep trying Can you see her big hook nose Her shawl If you and I were talking face to face we could discuss the picture You could describe what you see to me and I could talk to you about what I see We could continue to communicate until you clearly showed me what you see in the picture and I clearly showed you what I seeBecause we can t do that turn to page and study the picture there and then look at this picture again Can you see the old woman now It s important that you see her before you continue readingI first encountered this exercise many years ago at the Harvard Business School The instructor was using it to demonstrate clearly and elouently that two people can see the same thing disagree and yet both be right It s not logical its psychologicalHe brought into the room a stack of large cards half of which had the image of the young woman you saw on pageand the other half of which had the image of the old woman on page He passed them out to the class the picture of the young woman to one side of the room and the picture of the old woman to the other He asked us to look at the cards concentrate on them for about ten seconds and then pass them back in He then projected upon the screen the picture you saw on page combining both images and asked the class to describe what they saw Almost every person in that class who had first seen the young woman s image on a card saw the young woman in the picture And almost every person who had first seen the old woman s image on a card saw an old woman in the pictureThe professor then asked one student to explain what he saw to a student on the opposite side of the room As they talked back and forth communication problems flared upWhat do you mean old lady She couldn t bethan or years old Oh come on You have to be joking She s could be pushing What s the matter with you Are you blind This lady is young good looking I d like to take her out She s lovelyLovely She s an old hagThe arguments went back and forth each person sure of and adamant in his or her position All of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly important advantage the students had most of them knew early in the demonstration that another point of view did in fact exist something many of us would never admit Nevertheless at first only a few students really tried to see this picture from another frame of referenceAfter a period of futile communication one student went up to the screen and pointed to a line on the drawing There is the young woman s necklace The other one said No that is the old woman s mouth Gradually they began to calmly discuss specific points of difference and finally one student and then another experienced sudden recognition when the images of both came into focus Through continued calm respectful and specific communication each of us in the room was finally able to see the other point of view But when we looked away and then back most of us would immediately see the image we had been conditioned to see in the ten second period of timeI freuently use this perception demonstration in working with people and organizations because it yields so many deep insights into both personal and interpersonal effectiveness It shows first of all how powerfully conditioning affects our perceptions our paradigms If ten seconds can have that kind of impact on the way we see things what about the conditioning of a lifetime The influences in our lives family school church work environment friends associates and current social paradigms such as the Personality Ethic all have made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame of reference our paradigms our mapsIt also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behaviors We cannot act with integrity outside of them We simply cannot maintain wholeness if we talk and walk differently than we see If you were among the percent who typically see the young woman in the composite picture when conditioned to do so you undoubtedly found it difficult to think in terms of having to help her cross the street Both your attitude about her and your behavior toward her had to be congruent with the way you saw herThis brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the Personality Ethic To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flowThis perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms affect the way we interact with other people As clearly and objectively as we think we see things we begin to realize that others see them differently from their own apparently eually clear and objective point of view Where we stand depends on where we sitEach of us tends to think we see things as they are that we are objective But this is not the case We see the world not as it is but as we are or as we are conditioned to see it When we open our mouths to describe what we see we in effect describe ourselves our perceptions our paradigms When other people disagree with us we immediately think something is wrong with them But as the demonstration shows sincere clearheaded people see things differently each looking through the uniue lens of experienceThis does not mean that there are no facts In the demonstration two individuals who initially have been influenced by different conditioning pictures look at the third picture together They are now both looking at the same identical facts black lines and white spaces and they would both acknowledge these as facts But each person s interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences and the facts have no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretationTheaware we are of our basic paradigms maps or assumptions and the extent to which we have been influenced by our experience thewe can take responsibility for those paradigms examine them test them against reality listen to others and be open to their perceptions thereby getting a larger picture and a farobjective viewThe Power of a Paradigm ShiftPerhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception demonstration is in the area of paradigm shifting what we might call the Aha experience when someone finally sees the composite picture in another way Thebound a person is by the initial perception thepowerful the Aha experience is It s as though a light were suddenly turned on insideThe term paradigm shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly influential landmark book The Structure of Scientific Revolutions Kuhn shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition with old ways of thinking with old paradigmsFor Ptolemy the great Egyptian astronomer the earth was the center of the universe But Copernicus created a paradigm shift and a great deal of resistance and persecution as well by placing the sun at the center Suddenly everything took on a different interpretationThe Newtonian model of physics was a clockwork paradigm and is still the basis of modern engineering But it was partial incomplete The scientific world was revolutionized by the Einsteinian paradigm the relativity paradigm which had much higher predictive and explanatory valueUntil the germ theory was developed a high percentage of women and children died during childbirth and no one could understand why In military skirmishesmen were dying from small wounds and diseases than from the major tr.

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